Long time, no blog

Yeah, it's been a while since I wrote something here. I haven't been motivated enough to write anything. There's nothing going on in my life at all. No job, no new people to meet. My life is shit at the moment.

Anyway, last week I got the first part of the vaccine, COVID -19. The second part is in october. Maybe before. Little nervous, to be honest. What kind of side effects will I get after the second dosage? I guess I'll find out.

I actually wanna start going outside and take pictures of the nature and other things, but so little energy. I mostly spend my energy on getting startled everytime a bird fly by or a person on a bicycle suddenly drives from behind me without making a sound. I get scared all the time. It's getting harder and harder when I'm outside walking. I hate it! Fuck anxiety!! Fuck depression! It's exchausting. It's a good thing I have a strong heart, otherwise I would be dead by now.

I also want to go to a bar and just sit there while having a drink and maybe get to know new people, but no can do! Anxiety stops me from doing that. Or maybe I'm stopping myself from doing that. It's very easy to blame everything and everyone else but yourself. But it's not just my fault that I'm struggling like this, though.

It started with a boy...